How to Choose the Perfect First Dance Song
Photo: Paul Robert Berman
For some couples picking a first dance song is simple and obvious, for other couples it is not! In my years as a professional event and wedding DJ I've gained quite a bit of experience in guiding couples through this process. Below you will find questions to ask yourselves as search for your best first dance song followed by tip on how to make the most of the moment at your wedding!
We don't have an "our song".
WHAT?!!?!?
I'm kidding... totally cool. Your song might also not be something that is not going to be a great first dance song, and that's totally cool. For my wife and Just Like Heaven by The Cure was an important song for us, but we opted to use it for our Grand Entrance instead.
First Dance Song Questions to Ask Yourselves
Photo: Brad Smith
Have you been to concerts together?
Go through the bands that you've seen, is there one particular concert that stands out? You can use a tool like Setlist.fm to see what was played, there may be a song there that stands out and would work!
Who are your favorite artists?
Tying in with the concert idea, do you both share a mutual love for any particular band or artist? (I'm looking at you Swifties) Listen to the discography of those bands or artists on you nest road trip (save te roadtrip playlist for later) and see if there is a worthy first dance song hiding there!
Are there any songs that have special meaning to you?
As I said earlier in this post my wife and i had a song that held some meaning for us but it wasn't first dance worthy. Consider the song that was playing in your car stereo or at the coffee shop when you had your first date. Or maybe there was a song playing quietly in the background when you had your first meaningful conversation or your first kiss. Sometimes, you might even relate to a song because of the anticipation of an important moment in your relationship; for instance, a song that was playing when you were on your way to propose or one that was playing when you first realized your love for each other. Music has a way of etching these moments deeply in our minds.
Do your friends or family associate a song with you?
Don't hesitate to seek out suggestions for your first dance song from your close friends and family. They know your story, your preferences, and your personality better than anyone else. If you've asked yourself all the questions and dug deep into your memory and are still struggling to find the perfect song for your first dance, they could provide a fresh perspective. Their insights might bring to the surface a song you had overlooked or had not considered before.
What are your favorite movies?
Ok hear me out on this one... The people who pick music for movies are fantastic at selecting songs that speak to significant moments in the story line. I Don't Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith became a really popular choice after the movie Armageddon!
What are some celebrity first dance songs?
Celebrities have a way of picking first dance songs that really stand the test of time! Don't worry you don't need to make it a 'thing' that you got a first dance song from your favorite celebrity. I won't tell anyone... I promise.
First Dance Tips from a Pro
How long should your first dance song be?
This is a great question! Your first dance should probably be no more than 4-5 minutes tops. If you are planning a choreographed first dance this may change that, but it better be good... you need to captivate your guest attention for something like this!
On the flip side some couples don't want to be in the spotlight too long for their wedding first dance, their wedding ceremony may have been enough off that attention already! If you are looking for a shorter first dance I'd recommend making sure you dance for at least 90 seconds. This time frame allows your wedding photographer and videographer to have enough time to capture the moment appropriately.
Instead of having your wedding DJ edit your first dance song to a specific length I recommend setting a signal that you'll give when you are ready to finish. The simplest way to do this is for you to make eye contact and nod; it's a small gesture and won't be noticed by most. The reason I make this suggestion is that sometimes you think you want to make this moment quick. This allows you to change you mind on the fly! I often have couples who are sure that they are going to give me 'the nod'... they got lost in the moment with each other... the nod never comes. The first dance now has more meaning to them as they got lost in the moment with each other... and that's what this is all about after all!
Does it have a tempo you are comfortable dancing to?
Oh man is this a big one, yes you must feel comfortable with the tempo you will be dancing to! You may not feel comfortable dancing in front of everyone, if you (or your partner) have 2 left feet, keep it slow! However if you are big dancers, or are taking lessons then a faster paced first dance song is totally fine!
Try your first dance songs out!
Yes... practice! See how they feel. Is your song too fast? Too slow? Does one song feel better than the other? Don't be afraid to follow that gut instinct when you are trying first dance songs out for your wedding. Oh and keep practicing, especially if you feel like you could be nervous doing your first dance at the wedding reception.
Don't be afraid to be unconventional.
This is your wedding. Wedding traditions are becoming less strict, you want to do Salsa for your first dance? Go for It. You want your parents to join you? Do it. Wedding traditions are falling fast, make the moment yours.
You have more than one?
You've asked all the questions. Practiced and practiced, and you still are left with 2 potential first dance songs. I can't pick for you, but you don't have to throw one away! I will often use the second choice song to help open the dancefloor, inviting your family and friends to join you for this special dance. Slow dances during weddings are less and less popular so this builds in the opportunity for those who want to share a slow dance with their partner to have one.
You could also save this song for the end of the evening to close out your reception, if you plan on doing a sparkler send off or something similar, your wedding DJ can play this song while everyone is outside getting ready!
Don't wait until the last minute.
Please don't wait until the last minute to pick your song. You're wedding band and/or DJ will thank you. The first dance is one of the signature moments of any wedding celebration and your music vendors don't want to be scrambling at the last minute practicing or finding the right version if you pick a first dance song that is not a standard. Plus it will stress you out... and not give you enough time to practice and feel comfortable for your first dance!
It's all about memories and fun!
That's it... that's the point. Make your memories and enjoy it. This is the biggest party you'll ever throw yourself, your first dance song should reflect your love, your relationship and your emotions. It's ok to make this all about you. If you are still struggling looking for first dance songs you can check out some of my favorites below. Don't be afraid to seek advice from your band or Wedding DJ either, they should be a resource to you!
